This is what I feel like:

This is modern art. I call it "anger".

Sometimes I don't handle it very well. It starts off with bombing a test so I try to hold it in, but it ends up turning into one big fat sulk. Then I don't get a letter from my brother again so that brings on me raising my voice. Then I lock myself out of my apartment so I throw the mailbox key against my RA's door and get her to come open the door for me. Then I remember the best way to feel better is to provide service, so I make my RA a big card with sharpies telling her thank you [but I end up throwing one of the sharpies against the wall and it gets stuck behind the blinds somehow...] and that makes me feel a little better. Then I end up eating too much Earnestly Chocolate straight from the carton. again.

Did I mention I shouldn't even be blogging right now? I have a volcano of a mound of homework to be doing. I'm not going to be sleeping tonight.  

Oh, and in case you were wondering, this is what Earnestly Chocolate looks like:

....kinda. It's close enough though.

Today I got embarrassed.

That.... never happens.

And it was for dumb reason too! All I did was sing a hymn while playing tug of war, with a scarf, with my voice teacher, in front of the entire class! Dumb, I tell you. DUMB.

Why did I feel so awfully embarrassed about it all? I know I'm a decent singer. Just because I sounded strange for a couple minutes shouldn't upset me so much. Yet I actually felt myself blush. BLUSH. That... never happens either.

But because of this experience I actually learned of an antidote I have for myself in these situations. As I was walking home tonight in the rain, feeling awfully sorry for myself, I began thinking of things I'm thankful for. Strange, right? But not really. I feel really good now. And I am currently making plans to embarrass my voice teacher BACK next time I sing. Maybe I'll just do really bad on purpose or something.

Attitude of gratitude. Try it.

Here are some simple recipes to add to your cookbook.

For misery and unhappiness:

For faith and happiness:

This is what I learned from my Sunday. What did you learn from yours?

And so it begins.

Fort Lauderdale, FL. Haitian Creole speaking.

I guessed Florida on the guessing sheet.

I cried when he opened it, even though I promised him and myself that I wouldn't. So I buried my face in Whitney's shoulder so nobody could see.

I wasn't crying tears of sadness, though. I call them my tears of overwhelming emotion. They have no definition. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

We didn't get to talk like he said we would after everyone left.

I know it's not about me. I'm not thinking that way at all. In fact, I'm not even sad. I guess I'm just letting it sink in very slowly that he's going to be gone. And I couldn't be more happy for him.

Suzie, I'm so proud of him. His determination amazes me. He's got the strongest testimony and he bears it in a way that just makes you happy about the gospel. He's so caring about people individually, which is going to make him an even more fantastic missionary. He's going to change lives. He's going to save souls. He's the most incredible young man I've ever met.

I can't wait to continue supporting him on this journey.

Congratulations to dear Gregory. May the next 2 years be the best.

It's one of those nights I wish I had lived at home.

It's one of those nights where you meet a nice and attractive young man that you get along really well with... only to find out that he's a year younger than you.

It's one of those nights where two strange RM's hit on you in the strangest ways possible.
        "No, we have not met before. Stop trying to be all charming by trying to remember me. There's nothing to remember."
           "No, I don't like you kissing my hand and attempting to stroke my hair. I've known you for 2 minutes."

It's one of those nights where every single one of your roommates has finished their homework and are partying. And making you feel like a dweeb since you're diligently doing yours.

It's one of those nights where I remember why I haven't really been social this semester.

It's one of those nights that I wish these weird boys would find ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD to talk than right outside my door.

It's one of those nights where I just want to be at USU (I did tell you I officially decided to transfer, right?)

It's one of those nights... where I just want a real friend with me.

I miss you, Suze.

I like this mission stuff.

Oh, but I do! All of my friends are getting their calls and nothing makes me happier. Especially my best friend, who opens his call on Friday. I'm pretty sure I'm more excited about it than he is. When I saw it sitting up there on his mantle, the golden bow on it glistening, I ran up to it, grabbed it, and tried to make a run for it because I'm SO anxious to know where he's going. Thank you. I know I'm immature.

And you know what else? Brother comes home in 28 days, 16 hours, 39 minutes and 39 seconds. 38. 37. 36....

I'm just happy. The gospel is true. Nothing else to it.

Hi.

You prouda me? It only took me 20 years (as my roommate would say) to get this blog up and running. But here ya go. I hope you like it.

SO. I hope you know that this blog is special. Just for you :) and that I was very hesitant to do it because I really am against blogging. So congratulations, special cousin. This is just for you. And anyone else that dares read.

Love you Suze. Catch some waves for me!